being <<my age>>, i was convinced jealousy was a thing of the past and certainly nothing i needed to worry about… oh boy, was i wrong! recently, when spending time with someone i like, i got hit by it so hard and unexpectedly, within a few seconds, my whole body was raging with fear and hatred.
i had forgotten what a primal and intense emotion jealousy is and how – not only it affects our thoughts – but is a sensation that takes over our entire nervous system.
at said moment, while trying hard to maintain a polite and fake smiley face, i felt like jumping the bitch, grabbing her by the throat and scratching her eyes out. pardon my misogynist and violent language but its crudeness mirrors exactly the feeling that was eating me alive on the inside.
instead of saying something, i bit my tongue, felt ashamed and missed an opportunity to reveal the truth of my heart.
unfortunately, being my age doesn’t mean a rat’s ass when it comes to experiencing jealousy. luckily, it does mean i won’t attack anyone.
of course there are situations where jealousy is justified, e.g. when your partner is betraying you. but if that isn’t the case and your jealousy is a product of your own fear and insecurity, it bears the risk of becoming a destructive element in a loving relationship and can wear your partner out.
so, when it comes to our partner, do we want them to feel like they can’t be trusted? do we want to make them feel constricted? no, we don’t. we want our partner to know that we trust them with all our heart and give them the freedom they need to thrive as a person.
what to do?
i don’t know about you, but next time ol‘ jealo sneaks up on me, i will own that sucker! which according to john wineland could sound something like this:
<< i’m so fucking jealous right now, i can’t stand it! the thought of somebody else touching you just makes me crazy… >>
now, if your partner is cool, they will understand that you’re not accusing them of anything, but that you are making yourself vulnerable by revealing them your <<gollum>>.
if jealousy is something you struggle with, check out john wineland’s thoughts below. i like that he introduces the concept of acceptance and element of playful eroticism 🙂